Death Notice
Fidel Castro (81) was officially pronounced dead this morning at 10:03 EST by a panel of physicians and politicans who finally came to a consensus.
“President Castro is dead, and has been for quite some time now,” stated Dr. Abuial Mashirishi, one of the world’s leading gastro-intestinal physicians in the world, who examined President Castro more than two weeks ago.
“When I first examined him, I found him to be quite cold and not breathing,” Dr. Mashirishi continued, “however, party officials simply dismissed my original diagnosis as being politically motivated.”
Fidel Castro (81) was officially pronounced dead this morning at 10:03 EST by a panel of physicians and politicans who finally came to a consensus.
“President Castro is dead, and has been for quite some time now,” stated Dr. Abuial Mashirishi, one of the world’s leading gastro-intestinal physicians in the world, who examined President Castro more than two weeks ago.
“When I first examined him, I found him to be quite cold and not breathing,” Dr. Mashirishi continued, “however, party officials simply dismissed my original diagnosis as being politically motivated.”
Dr. Mashirishi from the Cambridge Institute of Gastro-Intestinal diseases continued, “I also do NOT appreciate the fact that I go to sleep one night in my London apartment only to be woken the next morning with a terrible headache, being shoved around from car to car with a hood over my head! A simple request to come to Cuba to examine The President would have been sufficient!”
When later detained and questioned about his loyalty to the party, Dr. Mashirishi explained to the interrogators that he was born in India, and studied medicine in London.
Dr. Mashirishi elaborated, “I explained to The President’s brother, Raul, and other members in the room that President Castro is dead. He was diagnosed quite some time ago with an intestinal infection, and that nature had finally taken its course. They simply would not accept this fact. Raul, responded with:
‘No, he’s not.’
And I reply:
‘Yes, he is.’
And again,
‘No, he’s not’
And I respond with:
‘Yes, he is.’
And again,
‘No, he’s not.’
And I responded with:
‘Yes, he is.’
And again,
‘No, he’s not.’
And this went on for quite some time,” Dr. Mashirishi reported.
Fidel Castro, The longtime President of Cuba, announced dead this morning, from complications due to an intestinal infection, he was 81 years old.
In Memoriam:
Fidel Castro, Cuban revolutionary, overthrew the Batista government on January 8, 1959, while he jubilantly rolled into Havana to a raucous mob that began rioting, looting, and basically tearing down the place.
Castro was never really quite sure what to call himself, the former long time President of Cuba; Castro enjoyed a brief stint as “The Prime Minister of Cuba”, then later the First Secretary of the Communist Party of Cuba, then led the transformation of a one party Socialist Republic where he became The Council of State, as well as The Council of The Ministers, he then awarded himself the rank of Commander in Chief.
Castro always had an uncanny knack of playing both revolutionary and international statesman, restructuring his country’s political system every 2 years or so, and betraying his friends. Through an interesting foreign policy approach of going to the UN and other countries (including the Vatican) with a mixture of disdainful vehemence while holding his hat out looking for aid; Castro never really made it that clear as to what he stood for and seemed to do a masterful job of systematically screwing up his country.
One of his most famous friendships betrayed was that of Ernesto “Che” Guevara. While attempting to be the face of an international statesman who declared himself the voice of the people, it was brought to his attention that he really needed to shed the clothes of an instigating rebel. Castro decided it would be a good political move to strand his friend, Guevara, in the jungle of The Congo and give away his whereabouts when he was sent there a year earlier by Castro himself to instigate a people’s revolution. Castro received a standing ovation as a diplomat, and “Che” got political martyrdom, a status that allows you to be put on tee-shirts.
In 1976, the world finally gave the guy some attention, and said, “Look, we’ll gonna give you a break so you stop knocking on our door asking for food and weapons, which we don’t really find to be in our interest. We have plenty of sugar!” The international community donated over two hundred million dollars in aid packages over the next several years. (Translation: they sent food to Cuba. Apparently, the “Revolution” didn’t contain any provisions for a self-sustained food source.)
So, what did Fidel decide to do? He tightened travel restrictions on Cuban citizens (meaning, no travel whatsoever) and released overcrowded jails filled with violent offenders mixed with political prisoners to the United States.
So, it’s pretty fair to say, that while never engaging in infrastructure improvement, and surviving some of the most ludicrous attempts by the US government to assassinate him, (which included botched invasions and exploding cigars, yes, EXPLODING CIGARS) Castro’s Marxist interpretations included attacking the Catholic Church while directly appealing to the Pope himself for aid. The Pontiff saw quite clearly that a starving flock would often stray, a common sense approach that never really struck Castro as being very useful, the Church of Rome gave $3.5 billion in aid over the next 15 years.
After forming an on-again off-again flirtation with the Soviet Union, Fidel Castro’s legacy will go down as a tough leader who out lived, out stretched, and out ruled his most hated enemies; which would be the leaders of The United States of America. (The reason for this is because in The United States, there is something called a term limit, and in the U.S., figure head leaders don’t stay put for 50 years wearing the same uniform.)
One must remember that Fidel Castro is the crazy son of bitch who once stated that he would risk the life of every single one of his people in order to make a point in his attitude towards The United Stated (which he once attempted to embrace as an ally.)
One simple quote from a speech he gave in early 1962:
“We can negotiate in all sincerity and in all honor. However, we would not be honorable if we were to consent to negotiate a sovereign right of our country. We are prepared to pay the necessary price for these rights, and this is not just so much talk, but an attitude very keenly felt by our people.”
So, there you have it.
Fidel Castro was ready and “prepared to pay the necessary price”… which would be the complete annihilation of his tiny island.
Cubans didn’t exactly share his sentiment. And so the majority of them will wish him a “Bon Voyage” in the coming days.
In closing, Fidel Castro will simply be remembered as the lug headed bearded guy who trips and falls at baseball games, and outlived President Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Reagan; he also had to deal with Jimmy Carter, Bush I, Clinton, and Bush II. Not to mention, the little known “Russian Stooge” (Curly Joe’s second cousin) as pictured below.
Dr. Mashirishi elaborated, “I explained to The President’s brother, Raul, and other members in the room that President Castro is dead. He was diagnosed quite some time ago with an intestinal infection, and that nature had finally taken its course. They simply would not accept this fact. Raul, responded with:
‘No, he’s not.’
And I reply:
‘Yes, he is.’
And again,
‘No, he’s not’
And I respond with:
‘Yes, he is.’
And again,
‘No, he’s not.’
And I responded with:
‘Yes, he is.’
And again,
‘No, he’s not.’
And this went on for quite some time,” Dr. Mashirishi reported.
Fidel Castro, The longtime President of Cuba, announced dead this morning, from complications due to an intestinal infection, he was 81 years old.
In Memoriam:
Fidel Castro, Cuban revolutionary, overthrew the Batista government on January 8, 1959, while he jubilantly rolled into Havana to a raucous mob that began rioting, looting, and basically tearing down the place.
Castro was never really quite sure what to call himself, the former long time President of Cuba; Castro enjoyed a brief stint as “The Prime Minister of Cuba”, then later the First Secretary of the Communist Party of Cuba, then led the transformation of a one party Socialist Republic where he became The Council of State, as well as The Council of The Ministers, he then awarded himself the rank of Commander in Chief.
Castro always had an uncanny knack of playing both revolutionary and international statesman, restructuring his country’s political system every 2 years or so, and betraying his friends. Through an interesting foreign policy approach of going to the UN and other countries (including the Vatican) with a mixture of disdainful vehemence while holding his hat out looking for aid; Castro never really made it that clear as to what he stood for and seemed to do a masterful job of systematically screwing up his country.
One of his most famous friendships betrayed was that of Ernesto “Che” Guevara. While attempting to be the face of an international statesman who declared himself the voice of the people, it was brought to his attention that he really needed to shed the clothes of an instigating rebel. Castro decided it would be a good political move to strand his friend, Guevara, in the jungle of The Congo and give away his whereabouts when he was sent there a year earlier by Castro himself to instigate a people’s revolution. Castro received a standing ovation as a diplomat, and “Che” got political martyrdom, a status that allows you to be put on tee-shirts.
In 1976, the world finally gave the guy some attention, and said, “Look, we’ll gonna give you a break so you stop knocking on our door asking for food and weapons, which we don’t really find to be in our interest. We have plenty of sugar!” The international community donated over two hundred million dollars in aid packages over the next several years. (Translation: they sent food to Cuba. Apparently, the “Revolution” didn’t contain any provisions for a self-sustained food source.)
So, what did Fidel decide to do? He tightened travel restrictions on Cuban citizens (meaning, no travel whatsoever) and released overcrowded jails filled with violent offenders mixed with political prisoners to the United States.
So, it’s pretty fair to say, that while never engaging in infrastructure improvement, and surviving some of the most ludicrous attempts by the US government to assassinate him, (which included botched invasions and exploding cigars, yes, EXPLODING CIGARS) Castro’s Marxist interpretations included attacking the Catholic Church while directly appealing to the Pope himself for aid. The Pontiff saw quite clearly that a starving flock would often stray, a common sense approach that never really struck Castro as being very useful, the Church of Rome gave $3.5 billion in aid over the next 15 years.
After forming an on-again off-again flirtation with the Soviet Union, Fidel Castro’s legacy will go down as a tough leader who out lived, out stretched, and out ruled his most hated enemies; which would be the leaders of The United States of America. (The reason for this is because in The United States, there is something called a term limit, and in the U.S., figure head leaders don’t stay put for 50 years wearing the same uniform.)
One must remember that Fidel Castro is the crazy son of bitch who once stated that he would risk the life of every single one of his people in order to make a point in his attitude towards The United Stated (which he once attempted to embrace as an ally.)
One simple quote from a speech he gave in early 1962:
“We can negotiate in all sincerity and in all honor. However, we would not be honorable if we were to consent to negotiate a sovereign right of our country. We are prepared to pay the necessary price for these rights, and this is not just so much talk, but an attitude very keenly felt by our people.”
So, there you have it.
Fidel Castro was ready and “prepared to pay the necessary price”… which would be the complete annihilation of his tiny island.
Cubans didn’t exactly share his sentiment. And so the majority of them will wish him a “Bon Voyage” in the coming days.
In closing, Fidel Castro will simply be remembered as the lug headed bearded guy who trips and falls at baseball games, and outlived President Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Reagan; he also had to deal with Jimmy Carter, Bush I, Clinton, and Bush II. Not to mention, the little known “Russian Stooge” (Curly Joe’s second cousin) as pictured below.
Castro with Khrushchev
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